Im honoured to share this personal and moving guest post written by the lovely Sabrina Furminger about her latest jump for joy experience. Enjoy!
Finding my Angel Baby
By Sabrina Furminger
Much has changed in my life since my first Jump for Joy shoot with Eyoälha. My then almost-3-year-old is now an almost-4-year-old (and, starting next week, a bona fide preschooler, egad). We’ve moved into a bigger space. I’m now penning a film & TV industry column for WE: The Westender.
And in April, I lost a baby.
I’ve been pretty open about my miscarriage (I even wrote an article about it for the Westender less than a month after it happened; (http://www.wevancouver.com/lifestyle/health-beauty/unpregnant-a-miscarriage-story-1.1026058), and without the shackles of shame that come from keeping silent, I think I’ve moved – and am moving – through my grief as well as can be expected.
Not that the miscarriage was on my mind when I arrived at Kits Beach last week for my second shoot with Eyoälha. My thoughts were more about my daughter (would she jump this time around? Would she tire easily and play with rocks instead? The answers, incidentally, would be yes and yes), and about my previous experience jumping with Eyoälha.
That shoot – which occurred in October 2013 – had been wildly successful. I’d surprised myself with my power, and the height and cool shapes I’d been able to achieve thanks to Eyoälha’s tips.
And so we began to shoot that sunny August afternoon, and like that previous shoot, I went for maximum velocity, aiming for height and cool arm shapes.
The result? I wrenched my shoulder and nearly rolled my ankle. I wasn’t in control like I had been last autumn.
I was in danger of getting derailed by frustration. I knew it. Tears of shame gathered behind my eyes and threatened to roll down my cheeks.
“Don’t go for power,” Eyoälha offered gently from where she lay on the sand, the camera obscuring her face. “Try soft. Go for soft. Just be free.”
As I prepared to jump again, my mind took me back to April, and the loss of my pregnancy – and to the ferocious determination I’d put on like armour to move on from the pain, to let it go – and I suddenly realized that what had eluded me was peace.
To that point, my grief had been pushing me forward, as if I’d been running away from it instead of trying to integrate it into my life – and so I jumped again, soft and light as if carried on the breeze, and I thought of the life that had so briefly lived within me, and the connection we’d always have, and when my feet touched the beach again, that feeling was still there.
You can see it in Eyoälha’s photo. You can see it happen: that moment of acceptance and release.
For me, that jump was not as much about joy as it was about leaping for peace.
It’s rather incredible what pools of strength and healing you can find hiding in yourself. You just have to take that first leap.
Thank you, Eyoälha! xo